done

i have written seventeen essays for college
not seventeen for how many years i have been on this earth
not seventeen for my high school
not seventeen even for my future
seventeen for some admissions officer across the country
who doesn’t know who i am

who am i?
am i my accomplishments
my grade point average?
my scores?
my voice, my songs?
my ideals?

am i the girl who marches for equality, talks grand about the future
with righteous anger in her hair?

who studies day and night to understand ap physics, to get a good grade to please her teachers, who yearns to know the world around her?

who talks on the phone with her friends for hours just to make sure they’re okay?

the girl fleeing the house with little sisters in hand, running away from her father who slams doors and yells?

the girl having a panic attack in the back room after her director snaps at her, while everyone  comforts someone else?

am i caring?
am i smart?
do i even have the heart to forgive her the mistakes she’s made?

enough
enough
i’m done
done with the lies about how everyone is special
done with the hope that i would get into the college i wanted to go to
done with my aspirations
fuck college
fuck everyone
fuck life

why am i working so hard, and paying so much just to have my dreams crushed?
dead beetles under the military boots of society
bright shinining universities
power glitering in their golden halls of knowledge

who am i to judge the living and the dead …. soul that is the American Education System

who am i to judge
who am i? judge
who am i
who, i?
i am

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