on entropy

what an odd feeling to know one is leaving
but not to have left yet
i walked on a path today littered with bottles and trash
and wondering do they feel stuck like myself?
do they wish they could leave their state of organization and move back into entropy
rejoin nature as they ought to

organic matter only means that which had carbon in it
i am organic matter
but does my matter matter?
are my atoms coalesced into meaning, or are they just atoms?
the rush that i feel is just dopamine
i take what i can glean from literatue and art
still flows in the ventricles of my heart

desperately holding to false information
i am no scientist
i am a mathematician
i love not the how, but the integrals of complicated functions
the sines and cosines of Fourier series
though they too have no inherent meaning

i do not know
what seems to have none

the trash on the road
which floats, is just the careless
nature of humanity

frowning and failing
to leave

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