If anyone is reading my blog, you know that I have not been posting something everyday as I committed to January 1, 2017. This is not to say that I do not write often, but recently I have been having this internal debate about why I am creating, and why I put my work online. This has mostly occured becuase of two discussions that I had recently.
I had a conversation with a very brilliant friend and mentor of mine who made me realize how much of a privelege it is to not think about what language to write in, and to not have to think about the colonialism of the English language. He is Indonesian and came to Seattle for school and will be starting his Phd next year for English. He reads and writes a lot, but doesn’t do a lot of creative writing because he is dealing with these deep philosophy of language and culture questions.
The other important converation I had was with a gal pal of mine who makes monthly zines of her favorite poems and art and makes a fair amount of her own art and poetry, but doesn’t publish online, because she creates for herself, doesn’t want to publish just for the recognition.
This combination as well some personal tragedy recently has been one of the reasons that I have stopped posting on this blog as much. I do want to continue to put work online, even just to cause me to create work that I feel is both worthy and not too personal to publish. Therefore I am going to try to write at least two posts a week, even if they are short.
Thank you for listening to my words.
being in a relationship is a lot like being an x in a polynomial function. for example …
0 * (x+5)(x-4)(x^2-3)= 0
if one person thinks it means nothing then no matter how much the other person wants it mean something it still means nothing
if there’s one zero in the function the whole thing equals zero, no matter what the rest of the function looks like
I’ve already broken my resolution; I missed two days in a row. However, I will keep going.
This is something I wrote late August 2016, but now it’s January 2017
I miss you. I miss your mop of soft wavy hair. I miss playing euchre with you. I miss talking to you about nothing and everything. I miss your humor, your laugh, your smile, how your eyes light up and your speech gets faster when you’re passionate about something. I miss your searching hands that pointed out constellations and made me shiver as they grazed my skin, pulling me close every time a shooting star passed by.
I can’t believe I won’t see you until December. I want to feel your lips on mine, your fingers in my hair, see your face just one more time. I think of you so often it hurts. You are so kind, and intelligent; you make me feel naive. I want to hear you talk about space and fall sleep next to you, sleeping bags so close on the dock.
So tell me how’s life up in the north east?
When I yell during an argument it is often because I do not feel heard. When others yell at me, I have often assumed it was also because they did not feel heard. Or rather they heard, but they did not listen, did not comprehend what I was trying to convey. This incongruity has plagued me for the past few months, that what I want to communicate is not often what is received. It is as if I playing a game of telephone with the whole world.
So to remedy this in some way, I have found a place to share my musings and thoughts, quotes that I like, song lyrics that I am working on; the words that have not been listened to. As my new year’s resolution, I hope to write something everyday all of 2017. Whether I will actually be able to do this is somewhat unpredictable, but the real purpose of this blog is to practice writing. There will be many poorly written words, but hopefully there will also be words of meaning and truth.
— Emma Johnston