periwinkle

I can’t quite decide whether this should be a song or a poem, but I will leave that for a later time. Many of the lines reference Orlando by Virginia Woolf which was written to her lover, the poet Vita Sackville-West.

i brought you violets and blue bells
we walked through hazy paths
on soft dewy grass
i could not see anyone but you

your eyes are hazel, deep like the oak tree
a fox in the snow
on pineapple sighs
i could not hear anyone but you

could we skate over the frozen thames
and dance under the cold ice gleam?
i am no russian doll
and you no english noble

you and i swing in a periwinkle, lavender dream
fair dresses, floating desire and shimmering rings
sweet kisses abound but …
there’s too much going on, not enough in my head
all the words that need saying i cannot say them
you are lovely to behold

your smile has the grace of a queen
twirl your soft hair round my finger
say you’ll always remember
i could not bear anyone but you

could we skate over the frozen thames
and dance under the cold lunar lights?
you are no russian doll
and i no english noble

still you are lovely to behold

a solitary duet

standing still unmoving in wide azure
roots sitting on craggy rock
needles of dark green float on foamy salty
the pine calls out to the other
a lonesome wail and melancholy

sing a song of deforestaion, of rising oceans
of drastic changes

the second pine replies, “at least we are still here”
two remaining trees
to the remaining trees

and they, unaware of the forests
that are too far to see
or are the forests gone

the first pine wonders aloud
the second cries
and the wind gives no answer

slow, fast, far flung

how slow the hours in which I am writing
how fast the seconds
the minutes
years with her by my side
how far flung the penumbras late at night
tall giants that loom ever behind our walking shoes
thick white lanes droopy in the rain
how fast we run, flinging ourselves into the unknown

and then there is tomorrow
i am always dreading the tomorrows
the nexts
and the must haves
lists which pile up like dirt under your fingernails
and how slow the clock moves, until penultimate questions of magnetic flux and electrical current are far from my mind
ink blots on the page from the lack of culmination
nothing ever finishes

“it is finished”

how fast
and slow
and far flung
how deep and wide and vast
the shadows that grow long
as we age

the time we have given
and how short
is there nothing
or anything

speak in grandeur and pretention
only thing left is the words
no meaning
not musings

the bird only flies alone

sweet wine

I took some of my rambles from my recent travels and some old song ideas and combined them into this little song nugget.

all my lovers wear cast off crowns and jewels
and drank all of my sweet wine
but I have run my lovers at the race track
and beaten them at their own lines

all my sweethearts have left me long ago
and loved others fairer than i
so I do laugh bitterly at the cold winds
and am cross as the storm clouds pass by

you say you’re sorry for the way you treated me
and how can i not forgive
your eyes
and how can i not forgive
your arms holding me tight
holding me through the night

we talk for hours on end
but it’s cold comfort
cause i know that when we’re home again
you’ll have her
and i’ll be deserted in the sands
of good intent

all my failures sneak up on me in dreams
and call out old misgivings
but I have hope in the smallest idea
of bright luck and rearrangings

you say you’re sorry for the way you treated me
and how can i not forgive
your words
and how can i not forgive
your hands tangled up in mine
tangled through the times

airplane thoughts #2

I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.
in my mind there was still some sliver of a chance, but then crushed by the weight of the knowledge, I wondered what did I do wrong?

we kissed under the stars once
talked late into the dark
all for one bitter coffee and then no contact

you said you felt awful for the way you treated me
and I forgave you because how could I not?
your sweet eyes and gentle voice
compelling me to ache and seethe at your callous uncaring
your intelligence and excitement for topics that you care about
but just not me

you asked how I still liked you and I wonder how you ever liked me
you said that i was pretty and smart and easy to talk to and oh how I wish that you would have said that before

it is like we just keep barely missing each other, one always leaving, always me who holds on to some small hope

but there isn’t any hope anymore
I rue the way your eyes light up when you speak about her, and I will never compare. I am not as beautiful or funny or kind. I am the girl who sits waiting for a letter in the mail that never comes, who yearns for something that doesn’t exist, who pines knowing the unlikelihood of returned affection

and still I sit next to you
as you- half asleep
wishing

searching

mingling calls
laughter layered over salt water dripping down rouged cheeks
grey skies, pale clouds
whispers of loss emtombed behind crumbling walls
only the trees and i will hear your cries

but we have bandaged our wounds
if poorly
in hope

if i had one more day than the ones i have …

crackling fire
soft candlelight
carbon dioxide floating
burning wood and wax
say, something can be won

there is a searching man inside my heart
who enters this achromatic landscape
and buries his head in his hands one more time

the trees and i will hear his cry
the trees and i will watch his death
and i alone will search no more

cafe de olla

i can see the strains of liquid sugar
pooling at the top
sweet, bitter dark,
smells of rotund oranges and burnt cinnamon sticks
everything circular, swirling

the sounds of grinding beans in the background
soft powder, fine
little green plants in white pots
crisp white walls
clean black letters
uncouth hip hop music
minimalistic prints
brown paper packages
full of the bliss of caffeine

a coffee mexicano
spiced
warm
and now gone